the fear

one - at a backyard barbecue i am leaning against a wooden fence, the grain leaving an imprint along my bare shoulder blades. i am sitting on leg on either side of a bench, my stomach resting on the seat. i am pregnant, very pregnant, any day now pregnant. it came suddenly, sprouting up overnight and no one was expecting it, but no one is alarmed either.

two - at the beach, the kind built on a lake not an ocean. i am in the water, floating on my back, my ears submerged so i can hear the dull hum of children splashing closer to the shore. it is calm, infuriatingly calm, the kind of calm you try to drown in but it's too boring to let you. my belly bobs above the surface like some perverse fleshy island too round for settling.